Hmmmm...

Somehow we've made it through 2012 and 2013 without a blog update. I'm not even going to try to figure out where that time has gone.

So it's 2014, everything was going smoothly on the home front and then bam!

Unemployed. Again.

And I just don't know what the deal is.

PLEASE let me gripe. Don't judge.

Life just isn't fair.

Why does this keep happening to us?

I just want stability.

Oh well. Back on the roller coaster we go.

It's the same old thing...

I know, I know. I should be counting my blessings every day and know how lucky I am. I should realize that this won't last forever and that when it is all said and done, things will be better. I should be thankful for healthy children. I should be thankful for generous relatives. I should be thankful we have a roof over our heads.

I know.

But that's not how I feel.

I feel jipped. I feel out of place. I feel sad. I feel unsettled. I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff looking down and there is no way out.

No, my thoughts aren't suicidal. They are just crazed. I look at people all the time. Do they have a job? What do they do that they have that nice car? Go on that fancy vacation? Buy that nice furniture or have their floors redone? Do they have to count pennies at the grocery store? (not by the looks of what's in their cart, they don't!) Has life always been easy for them? Is this the way they thought their lives would be? Do they believe in God? How come they are so abundently blessed? Why aren't I? Why do I have to look at the intangibles for my blessings? Why do I have to pray the same prayer 24/7?

I have $40 to my name for the next 2 weeks. I also have a free movie ticket. But what I really want is freedom. Freedom to go to the grocery store and buy a few extras. To fill my cart at Costco and not worry if my purchase will be approved or not. To fill the car up with gas. To go out to dinner for the heck of it. To just enjoy some of life's tangible pleasures with out feeling the guilt that I am taking food out of our mouths. Or that an overdraft will occur and there goes another $35 bucks that we don't have. I just want to feel normal.

I get it. Life isn't fair. We somehow "got" ourselves into this situation. But I so want out of it. And I am at such a loss. I apply for jobs, get interviews. Not many are hiring. When we were unemployed the first time, I took it with a grain of salt. I was pregnant (otherwise known as "the great distractor"). I also thought we had paid our dues. I guess I was wrong.

I have things I am thankful for. But until our situation improves, my head is going to be spinning and worrying. And wondering.

Every second of the day and night.

unemployment...

...sucks. I hate it. Everyday is the same...and the instability is enough to drive me crazy. I guess the last time this happened I was pregnant and was able to keep my mind off of the hard things. Not this time. Not a moment goes by that I am not thinking about our situation. It's a rollercoaster. And I am done with this ride.

But...it continues...

6 months later....

....and I really need to blog. Really. And luckily, it's summer. Not sure what that means, but at the beginning of any break I feel the need to have a to-do list a mile long. And blogging is on that list. Let's see if any of it gets done!

And the winner is...

Oooohhh! Look what I found! How cool would it be to win all of this stuff???

Mama’s Holiday Wish List Meme

TodaysMama (link to: http://bit.ly/tmwishlist) and GameStop (link to:http://bit.ly/gamestop10) are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I’m sharing this meme with you.

1. What is your holiday wish for your family? My holiday wish is employment for my husband..he has been out of work for 15 months now and it would be really nice to have some stability in our lives!

2. What is your Christmas morning tradition? The kids wake us up and as I'm getting the breakfast casserole (that I put together the night before) into the oven, they open their stockings. We then sit and open presents and by the time we are done, breakfast is ready!

3. If you could ask Santa for one, completely decadent wish for yourself, what would it be? A new laptop - and I won't even be picky!!!

4. How do you make the holidays special without spending any money? This year is going to be tough, because we don't have extra money to spend. My girls love to craft, and we also use pictures in our gift giving. I have learned to be a coupon-cutting, deal-seeking, only-buy-what-we-need kind of gal.

5. What games did you play with your family growing up? I was the oldest of two brothers and one sister - my brothers loved to destroy things and my little sister was too little to play Life, Backgammon or Monopoly. I found myself playing games with an imaginary friend half the time!

6. What holiday tradition have you carried on from your own childhood? Our Christmas tree is decorated with old and new, home made and store bought, and lots of colorful lights. We spend the day listening to Christmas music and decorating, which I remember from growing up. I still have ornaments that I made when I was younger and love seeing our tree all done.

7. Where would you go for a Christmas-away-from-home trip? I would go to Hawaii, hands down!!

8. Check out GameStop (link to: http://bit.ly/gamestop10) and tell us, what are the three top items on your GameStop Wish List this year? 1. XBox 360 2. Ps3 and 3. WOW for my son for those systems...I should actually have him make out this list..it would be a lot longer and more detailed!

To enter, link to your Mama’s Holiday Wish List post using the Mister Linky box below.

BUT WAIT. Did you think we were done? Oh, you must not know us at all.

We have another stockpile of gifts from GameStop that you can enter to win with our extra entry options.

• Runner Up #1 will receive a XBox 360 250 GB with Kinect and a $250 GameStop gift card.
• Runner Up #2 will receive a Nintendo Red DSi XL Bundle and a $250 GameStop gift card.
• Runner Up #3 will receive a Nintendo Red Wii Bundle and a $250 GameStop gift card.

Extra Entry Options include:

• “Like” Gamestop on Facebook
• Follow @gamestop on Twitter
• Head back to the tippy-top of this post and hit that “Retweet” button.

The deadline to post your meme and comment is Friday, December 10th (same deadline applies for extra entry methods).

* For an example of a Mama’s Holiday Wish List entry post CLICK HERE.

Unemployment

Simply stated, unemployment sucks. There is nothing you can do, because you are at the mercy of all the employers out there in working land. You try not to get your hopes up, because more often than not they will be squished. People don't understand the pain, the anxiety, the instability - unemployment ranks up there with death when it comes to emotional trauma. I feel like I have to justify every penny spent yet there are always questions about that penny spent. Steve has put in HOURS/DAYS/MONTHS of searching and yet here we sit. Ready to lose it all.

Some people think we should just pack it up and move close or in with relatives. The problem with that is when we do leave it all behind, there will be nothing to look forward to. We can't get an apartment right now because we don't have the income. We can't declare bankruptcy because that will definitly forego our chances of employment. And if we do move somewhere, what happens if we do finally get a job and have to move again? That sounds like real stability to me.

I'm just trying to keep my head up and keep the faith...

I always have the best intentions....

I can lose myself to the computer or tv for hours. When I am not watching hgtv or The OC Housewives you can usually find me on Facebook. I figure the more I am hooked to a screen, the less house work I need to accomplish. Plus, wiping the counters for the 5th time in one day, or sweeping all the kitchen crud that no one else seems to mind stepping in, is soooooo over rated. I always think of things I can blog about....friends, kids, work, the Olympics (love snowboarding but hate mens figure skating!) the lack of work, the lack of money, kitchen countertops....but somehow I never "find" the time to do it. Maybe it's because I'm catching up with all of my tv shows. Or laundry. Or the ever messy basement. Whatever the reason, it kind of makes me sad. People can make money blogging! Or receive great and fabulous gifts to review! Or the the occasional comment from another person who actually read the blog! I just need to get my act together and do something for the greater of mankind. Is blogging really it? Do people really want to hear what I have to say? I'll never know, nor do I really want to know. Maybe someday my kids can look back and say that they never really knew who that screaming mimi was because they never read my blog. "Oh...she really does think of other things besides the counter tops and the floor!". But until then, they will have to be fine with their own illusion of me.

Sincerely with loads of Irish-Catholic-guilt-that-is-so-ingrained-in-me,
ek

Confessions of an Elevator Sister

One of my favorite blogs is thepioneerwoman.com. My friend and co-worker, Susan, turned me onto this blog with it's beautiful photography and yummy recipes. The recipes are to-die for...step by step instructions with pictures to boot. Plus, PW has 4 kids...but that's where all similarities end. She has the Marlboro Man, a huge ranch and a DSLR camera. I have the Corporate Man, a tract home and the simple point and shoot. So when Susan told me back in September that PW was going to be in town for her new cookbook, I just knew we had to go. I had to put a voice and face to this mysterious red-haired person.

We pre-ordered The Pioneer Woman Cooks and penciled the book signing into our calendars. When the book came in, I read it from cover to cover and stared at all the pictures. I was in heaven - real cookbook heaven. I just had to wait until tonight to get it signed. I thought about what PW might write in my book. Maybe just "To Erin My best, PW" or "Pioneer cooking rocks!". Whatever she decided, I knew I would be happy. Susan and I decided to go get a bite to eat, since we were leaving right from work and needed to head towards downtown to The Tattered Cover Bookstore on Colfax. We ate and headed downtown around 6:30. Susan didn't think there would be too many people, but I had some reservations. This was the PIONEER WOMAN for goodness sake! The one who holds a contest on her site and a bagillion people sign up to win (seriously - it's like 25,000+!)! There weren't any parking spaces in the front but we decided to try the parking structure. No cars were around so we thought we had made a good choice. Not so fast, missy!

After spending more than twenty minutes trying to maneuver around the cars going up and down without a space in site, I decided to park up the street from the TC. We were walking up, following 2 other PW admirerers, when we decided to break the pack and go in through the back door of the bookstore. We saw 3 people ahead of us and right at the same time it occurred to us: it's the Pioneer Woman!! She was walking up with her sister-in-law Missy and her mother-in-law Nan! Missy stopped to open the door for us all and I think Susan and I went into a state of shock. There was no one else around...where were all the people? PW went up to the desk to find out where to go and as we made small talk with her and her posse and made formal introductions, we decided to follow them to wherever we needed to go. They also invited us, so it wasn't as if we were these stalkers trying to get a good place in line. We honestly thought we would be taken to the room/hallway/whatever and find a place in line. All of a sudden we were taken into an elevator, down back hallways and through stock rooms, past the employee "lounge", to a small hallway with a door leading out into a huge room that was FILLED to the brim with fans. But we were WITH the Pioneer Woman!! We were asking her about her time in Colorado, stuffed into an elevator with her, making small talk - OMG!! We laughed about following her into the room, and as she went to the restroom before making her grand entrance, we decided to find a place to sit/stand/squat. There were tons of women, children and reluctant husbands sitting in chairs, and even more standing along the walls, sitting on the floor, and those who weren't even in the same room but lining up in other areas of the TC. There were A LOT of people. I mean A LOT. We knew she was popular, but I think half of the Denver metro area was at the Tattered Cover tonight. When we walked out of the hallway and into the room, we felt the stares and questioning from about 500 sets of eyes. I'm sure these people were wondering who we were - we had to be someone, right? I mean, we walked into the hallway with the 3 most importand people of the night and walked out into the signing room with our faces aglow!

Pioneer Woman made her entrance, to a throng of applause and happy faces. She had a Q & A session, for about 20 minutes. In that 20 minutes, Susan and I just reveled in the fact that we couldn't believe we had just walked in with PW. It was like a dream! Who needed the book signed now...we had just rubbed elbows with a celebrity. Unbelievable. Shock (still). Admiration. Normal. She's one of us. There was an announcement to how the line would go, and the people in the chairs would be able to line up first, according to the row. We let the first row go first, and when the second row lined up, we slipped into the back of the line. Our strategic place to begin with was up in the front, sitting on a small ladder in the corner, able to witness everything. This strategy proved to be a good choice because we were able to line up with no ugly stares, pushing, shoving or name calling. We waited in line and just kept looking at each other in disbelief. Susan couldn't believe we were in line already, but I told her just to stick with me and we would be fine. One thing I do need to say is that if we had tried to make it to the back of the room from the front when we first entered, we would never had made it. This room was a fire marshals worst nightmare. It crossed my mind more than once how many people were packed into this one room. Anyway, back to standing in line, we were making small talk with the people in front of us and the people behind. Everyone was in a good mood. I think the one thing that might have given us away was that we didn't not have the requisite yellow 3x3 sticky note with our names on it for the signing. I guess the TC employees had given one to each person sitting in a chair - a kind of "ticket". But then there was one employee with sticky notes in hand making sure those of us in line had one. We told her no and she gave us our stickies with "Erin" and "Susan" written on them. We waited a total of about 20 minutes before we were first in line. I went up to PW and said I was her elevator friend. She asked me how did I get into the front of the line so fast? We must have had reserved seats, she figured. I didn't say anything, but just made more small talk about nothing in particular. I think she knew we jumped the line, but she didn't seem to mind. Or if she did, she didn't make us feel bad about it. We quickly had her sign our books, took some fuzzy pictures, waved goodbye and made our way to the exit that we had no idea existed when we first walked in with you-know-who. We passed her sister-in-law Missy, who recognized us from the walk, and said that we must have connections to be able to get in line so fast. She gave us a wink, and we knew our "secret" was safe with her.

To Erin
My Elevator Sister! :)
Ree/PW
(heart)

P.S. If we had gone to the back of the line as we should have, we would still be waiting...sigh!

Summertime!

Oh how I love summer. Here I am, laying in bed, with my coffee, computer and kids still asleep (well, almost...Annie just woke up and has now taken control of the tv which means the birds are now drowned out by something on Disney Channel and it won't be long before she asks me to help her get breakfast which I will reply with an "in a minute" kind of answer).

So far we, or should I say "I", have had a wonderful month off from school. Caroline and I took a fabulous trip to Boston and New York...we packed so much into 2 weeks that I am beginning to wonder if it was all a dream! Highlights include meeting our new baby niece/cousin, Langley; staying with my aunt and uncle and seeing Aunt Frances; staying with my friend, Sandra, who was doing great and looking even better a week after major brain surgery; the Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island; Coney Island and the famous Nathan's hot dogs; Top of the Rock (30 Rock building); carriage ride through Central Park; seeing Wicked at the beautiful Gershwin Theatre; lots of walking to view all of the history in downtown Boston; beaches and Pie In The Sky (blueberry...ohhhhh!) in Maine and rain, rain, rain. The rain wasn't necessarily a highlight but the cloudy skies and threat of rain kept all of our lines and sightseeing at a reasonable pace.

This past week I have spent getting my house together. It's always falling apart at the seams...I can never get ahead but that's okay...I think I am at peace with that! I've also been on the computer more and trying my hand at winning some contests (check out http://www.momcentral.com/gift-guides/summer-giveaway-bonanza-2009.html ) . It's amazing how much time the computer can sap from my day...I feel like I need to schedule accordingly so that maybe I can get dressed before 10 am!

Next week we are heading to Wichita to hang out with my sister-in-law and the kids cousins...it may be hot but at least we will have a pool to help us cool off. We'll end our summer vacay by going to Estes Park for a few days and hanging with the Pearsons. Before I know it, July 31st (my first day back to work) will be here and the first days of school (August 7th and 12th) will be here. Which reminds me that I need to clean the basement before then....

Chocolates

Every once in awhile (actually, more often than I will admit), I wake up in the middle of the night trying to catch my breath. I think it's the normal things that everyone dreams/worries about: money, kids, marriage, work...you get the picture. I then try to visualize a relaxing place - and more often then not, it's the beach. I then count to 10 and try to relax each muscle in my body (which, by the way, I don't remember exactly how many muscles we have even though I took anatomy and physiology a mere 2 years ago...I remember how many bones we have: 206). Anyway, my life these past few years has been turned into a whole new normal - and it isn't something I have quite figured out yet. My marriage is 20 years, my kids are growing before my eyes, and I find myself living in my 7th house. I have gone back to work full-time (which has cut back my middle of the night internet jaunts) and still can't seem to get dinner on the table. I found myself at Toys R Us the other day and started wondering when exactly is the last time I was at a Toys R Us? It had to have been in Rocky Mount before it closed. Now that the kids are getting older, I find myself thinking about all that we have grown out of. And it's not a sad thing for me...I do miss some aspects of preschool and wish that my kids taking the bus on the first day of kindergarten was the worst thing that could happen. But we are past that, and now my fear is if my son will get it together and graduate in 2 years. Or if my daughter will get really involved in school and make a good circle of friends. And then there are the "little" girls. I caught myself saying that for the millionth time last night. They are 10 and 7...still my little girls! Ahhhh...life....it really is a box of chocolates....and right now it's the kind that I take a bite out of, not necessarily my favorite, but eat anyway. Cause I need chocolate...like I need my family. It's a staple of life.

4 Thanksgivings

2008 - With the Pearsons - Castle Rock, CO

2007 - Castle Rock, CO

2006 - Rocky Mount, NC

2005 - With the Nadings - Rocky Mount, NC

May 2009...so now I'm wondering why I didn't originally post a picture of 2008? Who knows where my mind is!

hmmm.

i thought i'd post something for november. but i'm really not in the mood so i will say: happy thanksgiving! i love the food! can't wait to eat! see you in december....

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

...but I know I'll be home on Monday. I'm heading to NYC to visit my friend Sandra. I'm flying out with our friend, Malia, on Friday for a quick but fun visit. It will be nice to be together. I've already dug out old pictures (cuz I'm a picture freak). I just want to go and visit. I think Lisa and I did everything there was to do out there 3 years ago. This time it's to catch up and make sure Sandra is okay. She's gonna beat this cancer thing. I know it. See you when I get back (and you all can get up off the floor amazed that I posted twice in one month). :)

Fall is in the air...

Ahhh, I love fall. And not just because of the cool weather, changing leaves, nor the tons of decorations I have amassed over the years. No, I love fall for one reason and one reason only. pumpkin. spice. latte. Yep. We were introduced last year by a mutual friend, Rene. She's the one that told me just last week that they were already in the air. So yesterday Steve and I were heading to Safeway to grab some last minute dinner items (which is typically the story of our family and dinner making) when lo and behold the biggest smile came across my face because I knew right then and there that I would be drinking heaven. We walked into Safeway and I walked right over to the little Starbucks store and with pride ordered my first grande PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE (with whipped cream) for the season. $4.09 later I was walking the aisles oblivious to the chips and cookies calling my name. And all because I love fall and pumpkin spice.

Anybody home?

Ahhh, hello there in blogger-land...anybody home? Because apparently I am still on vacation according to this blog. Can't say what I've been doing. Or not doing. Just taking each day as it comes. And now that I am big-working-woman, who knows when I'll be back. Makes for a great New Years resolution. Maybe I'll write again before January. Maybe not. I'll decide. I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD BE HARD FOR ME! Did anybody listen? I, apparently, did not. And I like my title soooo much that I will not give it up. Not even for an instant. And now I am really babbling...

Time to hit the road

It's vacation time! And you know what that means in our household...pack up the car and let's drive a zillion miles!! It's the night before our big trek and do you think anything is packed??? Heck no!! At least the laundry is done. And there are a million (not a zillion) things on the dining room table ready to go into the car. And we have a full tank of gas, tons of snacks and I've already hit the ATM. Now it's on to Kansas, Indiana and Michigan. It will be fun to be with Steve's family for the 4th of July. Then it's home for a day and my family reunion down in Gunnison for a week. It's going to be a crazy 3 weeks but we'll make it. And we can't wait to start. Wish us luck and say a prayer for me (cuz you know it's me driving and Steve meeting us in Detroit...).

Keep your eyes on the road...

Well, yesterday it happened. Our 15 year, 9 month and 6 day old son received his drivers permit. I swear it was just yesterday that I had him!! So now starts the fun task of showing him the ropes, logging EVERY 5 minute trip we take and letting him spread his wings a little. We are hoping that this driving thing helps him with his sense of direction. Those who know Dear Son are probably laughing at the thought...but there are just some things that have to happen in life. And one of them is driving.

Yesterday was one of those days that you always dread - the trip to the DMV. We started off by dropping my car off at the dealers for service. And with the price of gas so high, I thought we would kill two birds with one stone and also go to the DMV since it was close. We called Dear Husband to come pick us up from the dealer and take us. Since he didn't want to have ANYTHING to do with Dear Son + Driving, he decided to have us drop him off to get his haircut while we went to the DMV. After sitting in traffic and going to the wrong DMV (that Dear Husband insisted because it was closer) we finally picked DH from the hair salon and made him go with us to get DS's permit. Time Lapse: one hour and fifteen minutes.

We walk through the doors of the DMV and our ticket says B513. They call B494. I think we are in for a wait since there are a million people sitting and waiting. Time Lapse: one hour and forty five minutes.

Our number is FINALLY called. I present the documents and DS stands there in a stupor from sleeping through the wait time. The clerk asks DS his address. DS looks at me. I ask him if he knows where he lives. "Uhhhhh....." I give the clerk our address knowing that she is thinking to herself that we really need to raise the age for drivers in this country. She then mentions a test...wait, a test???? I told DS there probably wouldn't be a test. He just slept for almost two hours waiting. Do you mean he could have been studying????? Oh no...I hear her say you can only take the test twice in one day if you score 51% or higher. I'm thinking, turn around and let's get out of this place. I'm done. He can't pass this test! He's only taken a three hour driving course through the fire department. He barely knows his right from his left! Does he even know what a stop sign is for? He doesn't even know his address! We are doomed.

But DS steps up and says he will take the test. He doesn't want his sleep induced wait to go in vain. He goes over to the testing area and takes about 8 minutes to complete the 25 questions. I'm thing to myself, "Great. We'll be here again tomorrow. Waiting. And waiting." DH and I are making jokes about the whole thing. DS takes the test up to the clerk and we watch as she scribbles away. She calls DS up and lo and behold, he passes. He missed THREE! I am laughing so hard because I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. That kid...if he would just do his homework....

We wait some more. DS pays for the permit ($14!) and then we sit and wait again. Then it's on to the picture. What? A picture? I wasn't thinking of that either so DS is wearing a nice (I say that loosely) Tony the Tiger t-shirt for his legal document. We are told we will get the permanent permit in the mail within thirty days. We leave the DMV with our heads held high. It was a proud defining moment that I am glad we shared as a mom, dad and a son (with little sister in the wings). Ahhh, a day in the life...

Pictures!

Our Hannah Montana wanna-be!

My tulips after our 6" of snow on May 1st

Mother's Day

Oh, how I love Mother's Day. There is just something special about feeling like I am a part of this exclusive club... I have special friends and a cousin that I have shared every one of my Mother's Day's with. It makes me realize how special those other mothers are to me - how they have helped me through these past 16 years. I am so grateful for all of the other women in my life - my own mother, step-mom, aunts, sisters-in-law and my grandma's who have passed on.

It's always an outdoorsy day for us - going to the park, planting flowers, working in the garden. I can't say that I am waited on hand and foot, but the kids do try to make it special in their own ways (especially the little girls - they love making me lunch). The gifts are usually hand made, and just hearing them say "Happy Mother's Day" makes my heart sing. My days are so filled with busy-ness that I am looking forward to this Sunday when I know that I can leave everything alone for at least one day, and enjoy my family.

Who knew!

Wow!  Where did March go?  And we are half way through April...I TOLD you it would be a challenge for me to do this blog!  Life has such a way of sneaking up on me.  I swear it was just yesterday that I was pregnant with my first child and now we need to look into getting him his drivers permit.  I don't think my husband is ready for that.  I look at new parents with such endearment - it's like I know a secret that they don't.  And I love to listen and nod my head because, hey, we've all been there and our kids have done all of the same stuff.  We need to stick together!  I am going to try to be better at posting my thoughts...my innermost, important thoughts...that you will get tired of reading...but I will force upon those who insist on checking this blog out.

I have to post a picture of my 6 year old daughter, Annie.  She just got a brand new Hannah Montana wig today from Claire's.  Too cute - I'm hanging on to these moments for sure!! (and I'll post once I'm back home from Wichita and can download the one picture she let me take).