Hmmmm...

Somehow we've made it through 2012 and 2013 without a blog update. I'm not even going to try to figure out where that time has gone.

So it's 2014, everything was going smoothly on the home front and then bam!

Unemployed. Again.

And I just don't know what the deal is.

PLEASE let me gripe. Don't judge.

Life just isn't fair.

Why does this keep happening to us?

I just want stability.

Oh well. Back on the roller coaster we go.

It's the same old thing...

I know, I know. I should be counting my blessings every day and know how lucky I am. I should realize that this won't last forever and that when it is all said and done, things will be better. I should be thankful for healthy children. I should be thankful for generous relatives. I should be thankful we have a roof over our heads.

I know.

But that's not how I feel.

I feel jipped. I feel out of place. I feel sad. I feel unsettled. I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff looking down and there is no way out.

No, my thoughts aren't suicidal. They are just crazed. I look at people all the time. Do they have a job? What do they do that they have that nice car? Go on that fancy vacation? Buy that nice furniture or have their floors redone? Do they have to count pennies at the grocery store? (not by the looks of what's in their cart, they don't!) Has life always been easy for them? Is this the way they thought their lives would be? Do they believe in God? How come they are so abundently blessed? Why aren't I? Why do I have to look at the intangibles for my blessings? Why do I have to pray the same prayer 24/7?

I have $40 to my name for the next 2 weeks. I also have a free movie ticket. But what I really want is freedom. Freedom to go to the grocery store and buy a few extras. To fill my cart at Costco and not worry if my purchase will be approved or not. To fill the car up with gas. To go out to dinner for the heck of it. To just enjoy some of life's tangible pleasures with out feeling the guilt that I am taking food out of our mouths. Or that an overdraft will occur and there goes another $35 bucks that we don't have. I just want to feel normal.

I get it. Life isn't fair. We somehow "got" ourselves into this situation. But I so want out of it. And I am at such a loss. I apply for jobs, get interviews. Not many are hiring. When we were unemployed the first time, I took it with a grain of salt. I was pregnant (otherwise known as "the great distractor"). I also thought we had paid our dues. I guess I was wrong.

I have things I am thankful for. But until our situation improves, my head is going to be spinning and worrying. And wondering.

Every second of the day and night.

unemployment...

...sucks. I hate it. Everyday is the same...and the instability is enough to drive me crazy. I guess the last time this happened I was pregnant and was able to keep my mind off of the hard things. Not this time. Not a moment goes by that I am not thinking about our situation. It's a rollercoaster. And I am done with this ride.

But...it continues...

6 months later....

....and I really need to blog. Really. And luckily, it's summer. Not sure what that means, but at the beginning of any break I feel the need to have a to-do list a mile long. And blogging is on that list. Let's see if any of it gets done!

And the winner is...

Oooohhh! Look what I found! How cool would it be to win all of this stuff???

Mama’s Holiday Wish List Meme

TodaysMama (link to: http://bit.ly/tmwishlist) and GameStop (link to:http://bit.ly/gamestop10) are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I’m sharing this meme with you.

1. What is your holiday wish for your family? My holiday wish is employment for my husband..he has been out of work for 15 months now and it would be really nice to have some stability in our lives!

2. What is your Christmas morning tradition? The kids wake us up and as I'm getting the breakfast casserole (that I put together the night before) into the oven, they open their stockings. We then sit and open presents and by the time we are done, breakfast is ready!

3. If you could ask Santa for one, completely decadent wish for yourself, what would it be? A new laptop - and I won't even be picky!!!

4. How do you make the holidays special without spending any money? This year is going to be tough, because we don't have extra money to spend. My girls love to craft, and we also use pictures in our gift giving. I have learned to be a coupon-cutting, deal-seeking, only-buy-what-we-need kind of gal.

5. What games did you play with your family growing up? I was the oldest of two brothers and one sister - my brothers loved to destroy things and my little sister was too little to play Life, Backgammon or Monopoly. I found myself playing games with an imaginary friend half the time!

6. What holiday tradition have you carried on from your own childhood? Our Christmas tree is decorated with old and new, home made and store bought, and lots of colorful lights. We spend the day listening to Christmas music and decorating, which I remember from growing up. I still have ornaments that I made when I was younger and love seeing our tree all done.

7. Where would you go for a Christmas-away-from-home trip? I would go to Hawaii, hands down!!

8. Check out GameStop (link to: http://bit.ly/gamestop10) and tell us, what are the three top items on your GameStop Wish List this year? 1. XBox 360 2. Ps3 and 3. WOW for my son for those systems...I should actually have him make out this list..it would be a lot longer and more detailed!

To enter, link to your Mama’s Holiday Wish List post using the Mister Linky box below.

BUT WAIT. Did you think we were done? Oh, you must not know us at all.

We have another stockpile of gifts from GameStop that you can enter to win with our extra entry options.

• Runner Up #1 will receive a XBox 360 250 GB with Kinect and a $250 GameStop gift card.
• Runner Up #2 will receive a Nintendo Red DSi XL Bundle and a $250 GameStop gift card.
• Runner Up #3 will receive a Nintendo Red Wii Bundle and a $250 GameStop gift card.

Extra Entry Options include:

• “Like” Gamestop on Facebook
• Follow @gamestop on Twitter
• Head back to the tippy-top of this post and hit that “Retweet” button.

The deadline to post your meme and comment is Friday, December 10th (same deadline applies for extra entry methods).

* For an example of a Mama’s Holiday Wish List entry post CLICK HERE.

Unemployment

Simply stated, unemployment sucks. There is nothing you can do, because you are at the mercy of all the employers out there in working land. You try not to get your hopes up, because more often than not they will be squished. People don't understand the pain, the anxiety, the instability - unemployment ranks up there with death when it comes to emotional trauma. I feel like I have to justify every penny spent yet there are always questions about that penny spent. Steve has put in HOURS/DAYS/MONTHS of searching and yet here we sit. Ready to lose it all.

Some people think we should just pack it up and move close or in with relatives. The problem with that is when we do leave it all behind, there will be nothing to look forward to. We can't get an apartment right now because we don't have the income. We can't declare bankruptcy because that will definitly forego our chances of employment. And if we do move somewhere, what happens if we do finally get a job and have to move again? That sounds like real stability to me.

I'm just trying to keep my head up and keep the faith...

I always have the best intentions....

I can lose myself to the computer or tv for hours. When I am not watching hgtv or The OC Housewives you can usually find me on Facebook. I figure the more I am hooked to a screen, the less house work I need to accomplish. Plus, wiping the counters for the 5th time in one day, or sweeping all the kitchen crud that no one else seems to mind stepping in, is soooooo over rated. I always think of things I can blog about....friends, kids, work, the Olympics (love snowboarding but hate mens figure skating!) the lack of work, the lack of money, kitchen countertops....but somehow I never "find" the time to do it. Maybe it's because I'm catching up with all of my tv shows. Or laundry. Or the ever messy basement. Whatever the reason, it kind of makes me sad. People can make money blogging! Or receive great and fabulous gifts to review! Or the the occasional comment from another person who actually read the blog! I just need to get my act together and do something for the greater of mankind. Is blogging really it? Do people really want to hear what I have to say? I'll never know, nor do I really want to know. Maybe someday my kids can look back and say that they never really knew who that screaming mimi was because they never read my blog. "Oh...she really does think of other things besides the counter tops and the floor!". But until then, they will have to be fine with their own illusion of me.

Sincerely with loads of Irish-Catholic-guilt-that-is-so-ingrained-in-me,
ek